Life – Page 7 – Bucket List Journey

May 13, 2013May 18, 2013

The difficulty of living simply

Recently my husband and I have been thinking about living more simply. From my perspective it comes from realizing that I have too much choice in my life it’s come to stress me out. I’ve written before about decision fatigue which is something I am still learning to manage. My husband is realizing that we just keep getting more stuff, more books (which we love), more things and we have limited space in our 5 1/2 downtown Montreal. When it comes time for us to get a bigger place we want it to be because of a growing family, not because of growing stuff.

I recently leafed through Organized Simplicity by Tsh from Simplemom.net and found it pretty refreshing. Once we get back home from living in suitcases all summer, I’d like to take some time to start giving stuff away starting with another clothes swap (and promise myself I wont take anything unless it’s a MUST).

I posted a question on Facebook to see if people had any helpful suggestions from my friends about how to manage this. In my mind it’s not just about the stuff I have, it’s also about paring down my life to fit in more of the things I want to do and require a lot less mental energy to do it.

Working full-time while being a whole person with likes and dislikes and hobbies and friends and a husband is hard even when your husband does as much work around the house as you do!

As I read some of those responses they were all mostly helpful but I realized none of them were addressing my real problem entirely. Some shared that they had anxiety over a scarcity mentality, as if if they gave away their things they could never get something like it back. I totally get that perspective. But more real is this question:

How do learn to want less? How do I learn to care less about things that are being marketed to me as important? Why do I want ALL THE THINGS?

I talk about changing habits often on this blog but I rarely talk about changing hearts and desires. One does not simply just change one’s own heart. I know wanting certain things isn’t bad necessarily. In this case, sometimes I think the underlying want in my life is controlling and driving my decisions which is dumb.

This essay entitled “It’s Not Me, It’s the Mall” and a few other articles (that I’ll post later) lead me to believe that this problem of the ‘tyranny of choice’ isn’t just affecting a few of us.

Practically, since I am living out of a suitcase this summer, I’ll have an easy go of it: anything left in my drawers at home by the end of the summer is gone. Anything I didn’t wear regularly this summer in my suitcases is gone. Simple? Probably not. It will likely be embarrassingly difficult. But it’s a start.

March 31, 2013

A few random things

1. I didn’t announce the winners on Friday because I had some blog maintenance issues. The winners (Sarah & Audrey) have already received their copy of the books.
The blog maintenance issues were related to me migrating over to a self-hosted WordPress website, which I am very excited about because now I have complete control over what goes down here – no more paying WordPress for them to put ads on my site (I know, right?).
You wont be able to follow my website within WordPress.com anymore (I don’t think?). The other option is through RSS or subscribe to receive my posts by email. You *may* need to update your RSS stuff? I have no sweet clue how this stuff works. I know just enough to make things (sort of) work.
Happy Easter! I’m seriously loving my 4-day weekend. Went for a run this morning, then ate a our first Easter meal at our own place, not visiting any parents this year. It was nice.

February 26, 2013

That familiar cycle

We’re back to that place I’m sure you recognize so well: Jess admits she still doesn’t have this all figured out and has to reboot her life a bit in order to get it all back in order. Some things are going well: I’m still reading regularly, and that’s developed into a lovely habit I’m enjoying. I really appreciate the freedom I have in the 1 book every 2 weeks system. I can easily complete a book in that time, but it gives me room for evenings off etc. Ok so really one thing is going well.

xmas

The fact that my Christmas decorations are still up is probably a sign that things are a little out of control. I’ve been thinking about the balance between doing what I want to do and reaching my goals and how I have the tendency to let other more important things be moved aside by my goals. Important daily life things like grocery shopping, laundry, and all the other things that are not exactly fun.

I just recently read The Organized Heart by Staci Eastin. I felt like I was reading a book I could have written it was so similar to where I’m at:

“So the real question is why don’t I organize my days to do what I believe is important and what I do, in fact, have the skills and training to do. The answer is that I have a motivation problem. I do what I do not want to do–and I do not what I want to do” (Chapter 1).

For me, it’s more like I’m doing what I really want to do that is important to me personally, but not what I have agreed with my husband that needs to get done and in the long-term and from day-to-day is actually more important. Groceries need to get done. Clothes need to be cleaned. The house needs to be cleaned/tidied or else we’ll both go nuts. But those things don’t feel immediately rewarding.

Maybe that’s it: I need to devise a system where doing the basics is rewarding me by moving onto the other things I want to accomplish like my reading, my running etc.

(I’m just being an external processor right now.)

So yes, my Christmas decorations are still up and I kind of don’t care! I have laundry still sitting in the dryer and it’s been there for 2 days! These last two weeks have not been the highlight of accomplishment for my year. But I vow to have those decorations down by May… I should be able to manage that, right?

Are you in the same place or are you doing better than I am at keeping up with New Years Resolutions and Regular Life? Are you managing your real priorities well? Share here in the comments.

January 5, 2013

The Race

I heard this poem over the Christmas break and I wanted to share it.

The Race by D.H. Groberg

Whenever I start to hang my head in front of failure’s face,
my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
A children’s race, young boys, young men; how I remember well,
excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn’t hard to tell.
They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race
or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place.
Their parents watched from off the side, each cheering for their son,
and each boy hoped to show his folks that he would be the one.

The whistle blew and off they flew, like chariots of fire,
to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy’s desire.
One boy in particular, whose dad was in the crowd,
was running in the lead and thought “My dad will be so proud.”
But as he speeded down the field and crossed a shallow dip,
the little boy who thought he’d win, lost his step and slipped.
Trying hard to catch himself, his arms flew everyplace,
and midst the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.
As he fell, his hope fell too; he couldn’t win it now.
Humiliated, he just wished to disappear somehow.

But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,
which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win that race!”
He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit that’s all,
and ran with all his mind and might to make up for his fall.
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win,
his mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again.
He wished that he had quit before with only one disgrace.
“I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”

But through the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face
with a steady look that said again, “Get up and win that race!”
So he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last.
“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!”
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight, then ten…
but trying hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again.
Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye.
“There’s no sense running anymore! Three strikes I’m out! Why try?
I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought. “I’ll live with my disgrace.”
But then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.

“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “you haven’t lost at all,
for all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
Get up!” the echo urged him on, “Get up and take your place!

You were not meant for failure here! Get up and win that race!”
So, up he rose to run once more, refusing to forfeit,
and he resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit.
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been,
still he gave it all he had and ran like he could win.
Three times he’d fallen stumbling, three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.

They cheered another boy who crossed the line and won first place,
head high and proud and happy — no falling, no disgrace.
But, when the fallen youngster crossed the line, in last place,
the crowd gave him a greater cheer for finishing the race.
And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud,
you would have thought he’d won the race, to listen to the crowd.
And to his dad he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”
“To me, you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”

And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face,
the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race.
For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face,
another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race!”

November 14, 2012

A pep-talk

Pep talks are key to my success. Business leaders or others might call it ‘casting vision’ for what you’re about to do. To make meetings less boring I (try to remember to) remind my staff why this meeting is important. It’s not just us sitting here for an hour and a half wasting our time, it’s because the decisions we will make in that hour and a half will impact our achievements that week and could change the course of our year entirely. That hour and a half could change our jobs, it could impact the world.

I don’t think we can have success in very much without pep talks or vision. Without being reminded of why we’re doing things, it’s so easily to get lost in the what or the why does this suck? of present reality. This is why I loved this pep talk by Chris Baty, the founder of Nanowrimo. It’s a bit long, but it’s worth the read. The last few days I’ve been feeling my novel is crappy (it was never meant to be published), more than crappy, I still had 30,000 words to write and very little plot space left to achieve what I wanted. I made some changes, but the writing was ARDUOUS at best. At the beginning, I was pumping out my daily 1,667 words in under an hour. Yesterday it took me THREE.

I needed someone to remind me that it will get better. Because it does. While this could be a pep-talk for life as well (it usually does get better), I’m reminded of the importance of vision and having people around me to encourage me, who are rooting for me to succeed. Do you have those people?

Here’s Chris’s pep talk:

You’re watching a movie. And halfway through it, the hero crumbles.

He or she is lost. Surrounded by zombies or forsaken by love or separated from their favorite wookiee. They stare forlornly at the mess their life has become, hope fading that things will ever be put right again.

Screenwriters call this moment “the long, dark night of the soul.” Every Hollywood movie has one because we love seeing our protagonists pummeled for a while before they pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and head out to kick some ass.

NaNoWriMo participants go through their own long, dark nights of the soul halfway through November. If you haven’t experienced one already, you will very soon.

I say this with certainty because we’ve spent a lot of time and money making the middle stretch of this year’s adventure especially difficult.

We don’t have the costumes or the makeup budget to send a convincing-looking group of zombies to your door. Instead, we’ve relied on smaller, cheaper things to demoralize you mid-month. We’ve convinced your bosses and teachers to heap projects on you at the last minute. We’ve gotten your family to pitch fits when you need to get caught up on your word count. Most insidiously, we’ve paid your novel’s cast to stumble through their scenes with all the eloquence and charm of a baked potato.

Why? Because we have to do something to make your novel-in-a-month endeavor a fair fight. Which it isn’t. Look at you! You’re a fantastically gifted individual, with fierce courage and an imagination powerful enough to knock out a dozen books in November.

If you don’t believe me, just scroll back through all you’ve written so far. That’s more than most people achieve in a year, and you did it in two weeks. It may be less than you’d hoped, and the quality may be crappier than you’d envisioned. But first drafts are supposed to be rough, and I guarantee you’re too deep in the process right to recognize all the great stuff you’ve put on those pages. Despite our meddling, you’ve achieved a truck-load of literary goodness. And it’s just a taste of what’s ahead.

Because the second half of this noveling marathon is when things really begin to move. For starters, the NaNoWriMo-funded interference will end. This is partly because we’ve realized the whole “fair fight” thing was a dumb idea, and partly because we blew all of our harassment budget on yesterday’s spectacularly unsuccessful attempt to crash every word processor in Manitoba.

Shenanigans aside, the back half of NaNoWriMo has always been a place where writers get their second winds. As long as you keep working, your potatoes will turn back into charismatic protagonists, and your imagination will build a path right out of these mid-month doldrums.

You can help build that path faster by hitting your writing goals for the next three days. This may sound like a small thing, but little, consistent writing achievements open the door to huge writing breakthroughs.

If you’ve fallen behind on your word count or lost the thread of your story, you may think no breakthrough will be big enough to save your book. Take heart: There are 300,000 of us out there right now living that exact same movie. We’re all struggling to balance our books with the crazy stuff life has chucked at us these past two weeks. We’re all wondering if we have what it takes to see this thing through. And we’re all about to stand up, dust ourselves off, and go kick some major ass.

The long, dark night is ending, my friend. The homestretch lies ahead.

I’ll see you at the finish line.

Chris

October 26, 2012

Finding that middle road

When Willy and I were dating it was pretty clear that we were coming from two distinctly different planets when it came to our music taste. He shared with me a song by Corb Lund, I shared with him a song by Broken Social Scene. The sole things these two artists shared in common was that they’re both technically Canadian Indie artists.

That day when we exchanged those texts, I think we both had a moment of shock like, “Ok, so this is different.” In fact, Willy tells a story of how growing up he always thought marriage was about ‘sacrificing’ by repainting the living room a different shade of beige to appease the wife who desire change. “I didn’t think it would mean I’d have to listen to this!”

To his credit (and my great pleasure), Willy has never complained about my music. But I have also really tried to make sure I don’t drive him to it, either. Since music is tremendously important to me (it’s a life-giving force, even!) I’ve tried to find a middle ground of music that we both enjoy.

Guess where we found it? Hipster-Pseudo-bluegrass/country!

Here are some of the artists we like best:

Joel Plaskett: Example here and here
Mumford and Sons (not Canadian, but definitely pseudo-bluegrass) – here and here
Civil Wars (thanks Beth!): I die every time I hear this song. And this one is great.

As this is being published we’ll be en route to a marriage conference put on by Family Life in Mont Tremblant. I plan on introducing him to the Great Lake Swimmers (concrete heart) as we drive through the gorgeous Quebec countryside. I’m confident he’ll like the band.

Just like the in our relationship sometimes we need to find the middle road in order to find moments of peace and enjoyment, we also need to chill out, step away from pushing towards our goals and being productive and just enjoy life.

That’s what I plan on doing this weekend with my husband. You should, too. (Except not with my husband).