I want to hear from you!

Every so often someone will tell me that they read my blog and love it or they were talking about it with their friend who also reads it. For the record, I will be weird about it if you tell me in person that you like my blog. At a recent family picknick a few cousins-in-law told me they liked my blog (hi Tena and Laura!) and I was super awkward. I just don’t know what to say. I think I just need to start practicing saying “Thank you” so that when I clam up next time I can at least be robotically polite.

Anyways.

I’d really like some feedback as to why you read my blog. It takes 3 minutes. Would you fill it out for me? (If you can’t see it below, click here).

 

Slow down, grow up

slow-down

This week things are slow. My stamina in running is growing, but my foot muscle pain prevents me from running as long as I’d like. I can only run for about 15 minutes before my feet hurt enough to make me think it’s smart to stop. So that’s not going how I’d like it to.

Yesterday I read a bunch about the health benefits of fermented foods on our stomachs and digestion. I read this article that mentioned wheat intolerant people (in some cases) being able to eat rich sourdough breads. It can help my digestion and cost a fraction of all my other flours do? I decided to try it, so now I’m on day two of growing my own sourdough starter. The whole process is going to take about a week for just the starter and then the bread will take a good while to make too. Apparently, the longer the bread “prooves”, the more likely the cultures will eat the gluten out of the bread. Or something sciencey.

So far this month, I’ve slowed down a lot. Enjoying the pace of the (start of the summer). Reading, swimming, trying to run, baking, when I’m not working.

Usually, I’m all about fast, but for some reason I’m getting used to this slow persistent nurturing thing. That’s probably a good thing, right?

Also: I’m going to name my sourdough starter “monster.” Comment away with your name suggestions!

For my Poppy

dad-jess

I have two significant memories of my dad when I was really young, probably  4 or 5. One was a hot summer day in Saskatoon and the boys were all out in the back yard working on my mom’s extensive garden. My older dad peeled off his shirt, my older brother peeled off his shirt and my toddler brother was just in his diaper anyways. I was left the only shirted person there and I started to do the same when my older brother said, “NO! You can’t take off your shirt, you’re a girl!”

I didn’t even understand how those two things were at all related. It was hot out. I looked at my dad, “Dad? Can I take off my shirt?” and he replied “Go ask your mother.”

I learned how to deflect tricky parenting situations from him. Actually, my mom was pretty good at it, too.

There were a few things my dad taught me about consistency. He came home from work every day at 5:30 and we ate supper more or less right away. He would walk in the door and whistle (twice high, then lower) to let us know he was home. This whistle eventually evolved to him just calling out “foo foo” because this was easier than whistling I guess. (Few things in our family stayed one way ever, we had this always evolving language based on English what French my parents remembered from High School/Dutch/our childish misunderstandings of what the words actually were.). Every morning when I was young enough to wake up at 6AM, I would find my dad stretched out on the couch with a Bible in his lap. He would get up at 5:30 every morning to read the Bible and pray. As a very little girl when I watched him do that with probably more consistency than I saw him do anything else, I learned two very important things:

1) When my daddy says he’ll pray for me I know he will, and I know he will even when he doesn’t tell me he will.

2) Our children watch us and pick up on our habits whether we intend for them to or not.

dad-jess-wedding

To the things that scare us into inaction

keep calm

“Do not fear what is frightening.”

I’ve been thinking about this statement a lot this past week. It comes from a passage in the Bible the encourages women to trust God. What I deeply appreciate about this sentence is that it doesn’t say “don’t fear because it’s not all that bad” or “you’ll be fine so stop being afraid.” It acknowledges that sometimes things are legitimately frightening and that a decently normal response would be to be afraid.

Sometimes good things are frightening. Things like:

  • giving your spouse the blessing to make a financially risky business decision, one that you know also know will breathe life into their weary soul.
  • going back to school for something you love at the cost of a big fat student loan you’re not sure you’ll actually succeed at it.
  • getting married or having kids.
  • signing your fat self up for your first marathon and going public with the news.

In most cases, the reason to fear real and palatable but somehow we need to move past the actual fearing and lean into the fact that maybe we’re meant to move forward on This Scary Thing if we’ve come this far and we should just trust God who knows all and is perfect.

So I made this print as a reminder to myself to not let fear rule my heart.

Run away: maybe I really am a runner?

Tuesday evening I sat on the bench in my dad’s entryway to put on my running shoes to go for a run. As I sat there a few memories hit me. I’m pretty open about how I’m not really a runner (yet). I haven’t been very athletic since I hit puberty and suddenly athletics were significantly more challenging for me than they were before.

But I did run. Infrequently. As I laced up my shoes I remembered one of the first times that I did the same thing about 10 years ago. I ran for a different reason then. I ran because I was angry and didn’t know how else to deal with my anger. My parents’ divorce was becoming more imminent. I took to the back country roads to manage the boiling blood pulsing through my hormone-filled veins.

country1

As I started walking up the road I thought of the last time I had ran this road. It was 5 years ago and I ran for a different reason. This time I had just returned home after University. I was living with my dad because of that time in job transition and I was isolated from city life and all the friends that had become so dear to me. Slowly I realized that my world was turning gray and I had to pretend to have emotions or feel anything, really.

hyperbole-depression

That year I ran to restore my mental health that was slipsliding deeper in deeper into a cave of nothingness. I would run that country road until I reached the top of the hill where I was finally out of the valley and into cell phone service AKA life! and call #b or Amanda, who were my reward for getting exercise that I didn’t really care about but knew I needed (they say exercise is good for your mental health.).

It was a good moment looking back on those hard things and see how I’ve come out of them. 5 years changes a lot, 5 more years, even more. While I still struggle to say I’m a runner, maybe deep down I am? The only ways I knew how to face those crappy days head on was to run away.

imageEven if Running and I are still just getting to know each other, our first encounters have been very helpful!

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