I recently heard this phrase and it really struck me. Overwhelm is a choice. At first it sounded totally right. If you’re running around feeling anxious and stressed about everything life is throwing at you with work, all your responsibilities with your family etc.
But this week, I wasn’t so sure. Sometimes overwhelm is more than just lots of tasks and responsibilities piling up. Sometimes overwhelm is emotional intensity from grief and other things. Is that a choice, too?
Things in my home (and mind) have settled down now, I think in part because I was reminding myself there were things I could choose to sort out my brain. In my context, I had to stop settle my brain, and write out a small list. What was really making me crazy? Toddler dismantling my kitchen every time I turned around. Siblings fighting. The constant mess. How could I solve it? Fix the childproofing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simple solution to a very frustrating problem. What else did I remind myself of? This is a period of my life that my kids will grow out of and it won’t last forever. Take it a day at a time.
Then I went to google. Let’s look at what I found about overwhelm.
Rabbi Ted Riter in a Medium article writes, “’Overwhelm’ has become the new “busy.” People wear it as a badge of honor. The conversation used to be: Question: How are you? Answer: Busy. Work is crazy these days.“Overwhelm” is busy with an added dose of anxiety and stress and a deficit of support and time.”
His answer to overwhelm is these 4 things:
1. Set a priority for today.
2. Breathe.
3. Stop saying yes to everything and everybody.
4. Celebrate completion.
He follows this up with adding, “Once these four steps are in place, we might still feel overwhelmed. If so, it’s time to ask ourselves: What feelings am I avoiding? How is overwhelm serving me at this moment? What would my day look like if I chose not to be in overwhelm?”
It’s a really good article, so I suggest you check it out: Overwhelm is a choice.
“As a recovering “overwhelm-a-holic,” I spent roughly 20 years as a charter member of the Cult of Busy. The resulting overwhelm affected my health, and my relationships, but I managed to escape the vicious cycle overwhelm creates. Today I passionately advocate for an end to overwhelm. It is not only not required for high achievement –in fact, it obstructs and derails success in most cases.”
Stacey Ruth, Coach/Author/Speaker
Coach Stacey Ruth also thinks overwhelm is a choice. I appreciate that she points out that sometimes the factors that lead to overwhelm are not a choice. It’s not your choice to have a loved one pass. It’s not our choice to be living in a global pandemic. “Relationship issues, physical or mental health illness, a demanding job, poor nutrition, financial distress and insecurity, significant life changes, time constraints, death of a loved one, personal traumas such as abuse, and habitual lack of sleep can all trigger the state of overwhelm. Although feeling overwhelm in the face of these situations is not a choice, staying in it, and defining yourself by it, most definitely is. There’s a saying, “Pain in life is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” In other words, how we choose to perceive a given situation (not the fact of the situation’s existence) is 100% within our control.” Read her article here.
6 Beliefs of Overwhelm
Stacey Ruth outlines what she thinks are the 6 beliefs of overwhelm and how to counter them:
1. BELIEF: I am not enough > CURE: I am focusing on what I do best.
2. BELIEF: There is not enough > CURE: Gratitude creates more.
3. BELIEF: Time is running out > CURE: Only do the next right thing.
4. BELIEF: I am the only one who can do this > CURE: Ask for help and plan for help.
5. BELIEF: I can take the abuse > CURE: I will be an example of ease and grace.
6. BELIEF: It’s their fault > CURE: I am responsible for my own choices.
I’m not sure I totally agree with all of these cures, but I certainly think these 6 beliefs are part of overwhelm.
5 Things to Prevent/Stop Emotional Overwhelm
Let’s look at one more resource that looks at overwhelm. It’s from TalkSpace, an online mental health and therapy resource. According to the article “How to Manage When Feeling Overwhelmed” the author suggests 5 things to prevent or stop emotional overwhelm:
1. Accept the anxious feelings
2. Reverse your overwhelmed thought process
3. Take some deep breaths
4. Be in the moment
5. Know your resources (and use them!)
Yesterday, I reached out to a few friends when I was having a very tough day. One sent me an UberEats gift certificate. At first, I thought, “I don’t need this, I’ll be fine. My meal plan for today isn’t too much work.” But then I acknowledged that it would be really nice to sit down for 30 minutes and not do another thing. So i accepted and we ordered Chinese. It was wonderful. I knew my resources but I had to actually USE THEM.
So what do you think? Do you agree with these people that overwhelm is a choice?
