The only post of 2023

Christmas is over, New Years is coming, my kids’ teachers have been on strike for over a month and we’re waiting to hear if the union teachers are going to finally accept a deal. Today should be spent tidying the Nerf bullets and pine needles scattered across my floors, vacuuming up the goldfish crackers that are ground into the boys’ bedroom carpet, and scrubbing the long-ignored shower walls. 

Should be. 

Instead I’m tucked away in a busy Starbucks with an off-season holiday drink (am I allowed to drink a Pumpkin Spice Latte during the Christmas season?). I can’t remember the last time I felt like I could actually write, that I actually had something to say. I’ve had one topic on my mind for the last 18 months, probably since I picked up The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi. Reading that book, in one sense, was the end of my blog as I knew it. As I was reading it, I knew that it encapsulated what I had been trying to ‘accomplish’ with my writing here. It may not be apparent to long-time readers (and certainly not if this is your first visit), but I was using this space to sort through how to make my life easier. I began by chronicling my movement through my Bucket List. I wanted to write about working towards my goals, growing, learning, failing, and failing forward. I wanted to show the long game. I also wanted to figure out how to make my life a little less of a mess. How do I get anything done with kids? With a family? With aspirations and goals? I wrote about writing, building habits, and time management all in hopes to streamline my life and be able to reach my goals.

Having kids really threw a wrench in my writing. As you can see from my post history, after having my second (Nov, 2016) the writing decreased rapidly, which makes sense and I was ok it. I started working out, which was huge for me, and was still moving towards “a better me.” I wrote nothing in 2019, having had my 3rd boy in May of that year. I was overwhelmed with three kids 4.5 and under. The first year felt like running a twelve month marathon while herding cats during a cyclone. But somewhere that year, I found Kendra. Blessed Mother Kendra. She taught me about how to let go of what didn’t matter, and hold on to what did. Her 13 Lazy Genius Principles helped me grow in confidence in bringing some order to the chaos of my home. The other revelation that brought a lot of clarity was investigating ADHD for myself. So far, though I’m waiting for the new year to get an official assessment, it felt like the most reasonable explanation for some of the reasons I felt like my life was chaos. Having kids is a lot. Having 3 boys feels crazy for me (though I obviously love them each incredibly). 

Needless to say, when each day felt like I was running and never catching my breath, everything else was put on the back burner. I was a mom and wife, I went back to work, and crocheted. That was my life. Not a bad one, but not exactly living my best! life! now! 

2023 was different. I started reading again. I hadn’t read novels really in years. I was actually being afraid of novels for fear of feeling sad (literally, I was terrified of feelings. Life was already felt like so much, why would I add second-hand sadness or sorrow because of a fake person or story?). 

But Kendra. (This was not meant to be a love letter to her, but here we are). 

At the end of December last year, she released a podcast episode about how she read 120 books last year. I was inspired! She also has talked about her “book words.” She has figured out what words describe the books she always likes, so she knows how to know what books to pick and what to leave. After reading a few “gentle” books (like some of the Anne of Green Gables series), I decided I would stick to that stuff first. Then, read Little Women. I caught feelings. I felt sad, a little heartbroken, even. But you know what? It was ok. Slowly, I grew in my literary courage (though, to be sure, I was sticking to Young Adult and other ‘safe’ types of things. I realized I didn’t have to read great literature for it to ‘count’; I could read whatever I wanted. 

I started reading before bed. I found LibriVox and started listening to audiobooks while crocheting in the evening, rather than watching TV the whole time. I started noticing patterns in my reading: sometimes I’d get to a tough part about half-way through or 60%, but Learned to push through and then I’d be close enough to the end be motivated to break through the finish line. I read 3 books in January and probably averaged that many each month until September. Then I read 8, followed by 6 in October, 12 in November, and 21 in December (so far). 

Reading this much has reignited my imagination. It’s reminded me how much I want to write, and honestly, it’s shown me how many authors are out there that are writing just OK books. Some are even writing books that I really enjoyed, read twice (Christmas “romcoms” anyone?), but few people have heard of. Even that is inspiring to me. 

So here I am, at the end of my Pumpkin Spice Latte, my parking about to expire along with my bladder. I’m proud of me for this year. A lot happened with my kids and husband and job, and after all of it I’m happy to say, I like me more and I feel like me more. 

Onward to 2024. 

Overwhelm is a choice?

I recently heard this phrase and it really struck me. Overwhelm is a choice. At first it sounded totally right. If you’re running around feeling anxious and stressed about everything life is throwing at you with work, all your responsibilities with your family etc. 

But this week, I wasn’t so sure. Sometimes overwhelm is more than just lots of tasks and responsibilities piling up. Sometimes overwhelm is emotional intensity from grief and other things. Is that a choice, too? 


Things in my home (and mind) have settled down now, I think in part because I was reminding myself there were things I could choose to sort out my brain. In my context, I had to stop settle my brain, and write out a small list. What was really making me crazy? Toddler dismantling my kitchen every time I turned around. Siblings fighting. The constant mess. How could I solve it? Fix the childproofing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simple solution to a very frustrating problem. What else did I remind myself of? This is a period of my life that my kids will grow out of and it won’t last forever. Take it a day at a time. 
Then I went to google. Let’s look at what I found about overwhelm. 

Rabbi Ted Riter in a Medium article writes, “’Overwhelm’ has become the new “busy.” People wear it as a badge of honor. The conversation used to be: Question: How are you? Answer: Busy. Work is crazy these days.“Overwhelm” is busy with an added dose of anxiety and stress and a deficit of support and time.” 
His answer to overwhelm is these 4 things: 

1. Set a priority for today.
2. Breathe.
3. Stop saying yes to everything and everybody.
4. Celebrate completion.

He follows this up with adding, “Once these four steps are in place, we might still feel overwhelmed. If so, it’s time to ask ourselves: What feelings am I avoiding? How is overwhelm serving me at this moment? What would my day look like if I chose not to be in overwhelm?” 

It’s a really good article, so I suggest you check it out: Overwhelm is a choice

As a recovering “overwhelm-a-holic,” I spent roughly 20 years as a charter member of the Cult of Busy. The resulting overwhelm affected my health, and my relationships, but I managed to escape the vicious cycle overwhelm creates. Today I passionately advocate for an end to overwhelm. It is not only not required for high achievement –in fact, it obstructs and derails success in most cases.”

Stacey Ruth, Coach/Author/Speaker

Coach Stacey Ruth also thinks overwhelm is a choice. I appreciate that she points out that sometimes the factors that lead to overwhelm are not a choice. It’s not your choice to have a loved one pass. It’s not our choice to be living in a global pandemic. “Relationship issues, physical or mental health illness, a demanding job, poor nutrition, financial distress and insecurity, significant life changes, time constraints, death of a loved one, personal traumas such as abuse, and habitual lack of sleep can all trigger the state of overwhelm. Although feeling overwhelm in the face of these situations is not a choice, staying in it, and defining yourself by it, most definitely is. There’s a saying, “Pain in life is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” In other words, how we choose to perceive a given situation (not the fact of the situation’s existence) is 100% within our control.” Read her article here.

6 Beliefs of Overwhelm

Stacey Ruth outlines what she thinks are the 6 beliefs of overwhelm and how to counter them: 

1. BELIEF: I am not enough > CURE: I am focusing on what I do best. 
2. BELIEF: There is not enough > CURE: Gratitude creates more.
3. BELIEF: Time is running out  > CURE: Only do the next right thing. 
4. BELIEF: I am the only one who can do this > CURE: Ask for help and plan for help. 
5. BELIEF: I can take the abuse > CURE: I will be an example of ease and grace.
6. BELIEF: It’s their fault > CURE: I am responsible for my own choices.

I’m not sure I totally agree with all of these cures, but I certainly think these 6 beliefs are part of overwhelm. 

5 Things to Prevent/Stop Emotional Overwhelm

Let’s look at one more resource that looks at overwhelm. It’s from TalkSpace, an online mental health and therapy resource. According to the article “How to Manage When Feeling Overwhelmed” the author suggests 5 things to prevent or stop emotional overwhelm:

1. Accept the anxious feelings
2. Reverse your overwhelmed thought process
3. Take some deep breaths
4. Be in the moment
5. Know your resources (and use them!)

Yesterday, I reached out to a few friends when I was having a very tough day. One sent me an UberEats gift certificate. At first, I thought, “I don’t need this, I’ll be fine. My meal plan for today isn’t too much work.” But then I acknowledged that it would be really nice to sit down for 30 minutes and not do another thing. So i accepted and we ordered Chinese. It was wonderful. I knew my resources but I had to actually USE THEM. 

So what do you think? Do you agree with these people that overwhelm is a choice?

Short Term vs Life-Altering Goals

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

I’ve been listening to a lot of personal development podcasts lately. I haven’t been blogging but these past 18 months have been a big one for growth for me. When January 2019 rolled around, I wrote what I wanted to be my motto: SLOW AND STEADY. If you know me at all, or have followed my blog for some time, you’ll know that I can get really excited about some things and go ALL IN for a time and then get distracted and do something else. This is why I blogged VERY REGULARLY for awhile and then now hardly at all (but also because I haven’t had much to say regarding goal achievement lately). 


Slow and Steady for me means plodding along consistently, not getting too excited and too intense to cause me to sprint, but think of things more like a marathon. Keep it consistent and keep going. Don’t get tired out, and don’t give up. Any time I’ve been discouraged about things, that little phrase pops in my head: slow and steady. 


So when I heard this podcast where Bob Heilig talks about life-altering goals, I was very intrigued. In it, he talks about the difference between short-term goals and long-term goals. Short-term goals (he says a short-term goal is 1-2 years away) often only make you work harder, but long-term goals (10 years away) he calls Life-Altering Goals. These are the kind of goals that you need to become a different person in order to achieve. 


In a sense, this is what I’ve always thought about with the purpose of this blog. I’ve had these bucket list goals since I was a little girl. Many of them are just ridiculously out of my reach. At least they were when I started the blog. But, over the last 7 years some of these things don’t seem as crazy. I’ve had three kids, I got off my lazy butt and started working out regularly. I lost 20 lbs (and regained it, thanks baby #3), gained a ton of muscle, my metabolism is working again, and my health is the best its ever been in my life! Running a marathon doesn’t seem totally insane anymore because I know what it’s like to work out every day with 3 kids under 5 around.


Back to long-term goals. 


When you look forward to the things you want to achieve in the long term, you need to consider what changes to make NOW. Running a marathon might start with grabbing your crappy old shoes and hitting the pavement immediately, or it may also mean eating a giant salad and starting to make healthy food choices. When I first started working out, it didn’t take long for me to realize my nutrition was insufficient to sustain my workouts and I needed to change it IMMEDIATELY. It makes me think back to the idea of Keystone Habits. One change causes a cascading effect leading to all kinds of other changes.  

How does this relate to my life now?

This is a good question. It’s something I’m still mulling over. My life is very full in a good way. With three boys 5 and under, keeping our household moving is busy enough, but I always seem to need a project to work on to keep my inner fire burning. I’m like a steam train that runs on projects and goal achievement! The rest of my life doesn’t move well if I don’t have those things. It’s the wind in my sails! I’m a sail/steam-train hybrid!

I was reading a book this morning that was talking about our big life dreams and it also got me thinking. What dreams in your life keep you motivated and moving forward? Right now, I don’t know if I have an answer to that. I have the daily busy stuff, but I want to reflect more on this question and maybe bring some of my pre-kids goals back to the forefront.

Grief.

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

One of the good things that has come out of this pandemic quarantine life is that other people are experiencing the life I live as a mama. With this comes increased compassion, understanding, and new eyes on the “lock down” experience. 

Motherhood is extremely isolating at times. In the past I would refer to my life as “depressing” because I didn’t have another word for it. I knew it wasn’t the right word because I obviously love my children, have fun with them, and enjoy many parts of my life!

Now, thanks to other people living this experience of being stuck at home, thrust into a totally different life than they were familiar with, we have people writing about it.

They’re using words like “grief” and “grieving.”

At first I was like 🤷🏼‍♀️ “I don’t get it.” 

But now I see it. When I feel down or depressed about my life, what it really is is grief over the freedoms I “lost” when I had kids. It’s the grief over having to say no to me when I don’t want to. It’s the pain of self-denial. It’s hard. I don’t like it. It’s deeply uncomfortable. 

With this new word, I feel like I’m allowed to feel sad about what Is gone and yet appreciate what I have. The old phrase “my life is depressing” had brought an unfair judgment on my new life. 

Without being disrespectful for all the people that have come into hardship because of this pandemic, I have to say: I’m grateful for it. 

We started a podcast!

I’ve wanted to do a podcast for awhile, but didn’t know what to do it on! Finally, my husband agreed to do one with me and we went for it! You can find on most podcast aggregator/app including Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and Spotify. You can also head over to the Podcast tab here to listen to the episodes.

In Season 1, we talk through Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection. We had a lot of fun doing it! We did an episode almost every evening for the first two weeks of the Coronavirus “lockdown.” We’re pretty sure we’ll go ahead with season two (with fewer episodes each week) but need to decide on a book to work through.

2019 Planner Ideas

Somehow as soon as Christmas is over, my mind starts racing about the New Year. I haven’t been bullet journaling or doing anything productivity tracking related for months. Pregnancy and life with my littles has knocked the wind out of my sails in terms of goal hustling (see previous post), but there’s something about January 1 that inspires me again.

I even thought about starting to work out again! This is funny mostly because I’m actually on Doctor ordered “reduced mobility” for a few weeks due to some concerning contraction patterns. So exercise is not a good idea.

So now I’ve been bit by the New Year bug and it got me thinking about planners.

Bullet Journaling vs Planners

Somehow I haven’t been blogging much about bullet journaling, but I’ve posted quite a bit on my personal Instagram over the years. I really like it because of the flexibility. You can do what you want from week to week and if you fall out of the habit, you don’t have all kinds of blank pages to remind you of that lost habit!

However, like many of you (and the reason so many told me you haven’t given it a try), I no longer have/make the time for it. It used to be an enjoyable therapeutic thing to do lots of colouring and designing on it. No longer. I’ve still been using my “bujo” to make and keep lists. It’s become a more minimalist bujo, which is still very useful. What you might find more useful, is a bullet journal-type planner that is already set-up for you. Or, you like a traditional style. I never have. I keep all of my day planning appointments etc in my Google Calendar app on my phone. Everything else is in my planner. Usually this means, meal plans, daily trackers, and to-do lists. Lately, it means only meal plans and to-do lists.

Check out the summary list below. Click on the pictures to be linked to Amazon to see more photos and features. You can also find the whole list here.

Traditional(ish) Planners

Orange Circle Studio 2019 Do It All Planner

Do It All Planner

Who it’s good for:

  • if you’re tracking a few different things in a day. This could be either different family members or home life and work life etc.
  • if you like pretty things. There are 5 different cover styles to choose from

Features:

  • stickers
  • spiral bound
  • colourful

Katie Daisy 2018 – 2019 On-the-Go Weekly Planner:

katiedaisyplanner

Who it’s good for:

  • if you like pretty things
  • if you don’t need a lot of space to write what you need to

Features:

  • 17-moth planner (starts in 2018)
  • colourful
  • fun quotes
  • spiral bound

DayDesigner:

daydesignerWho it’s good for:

  • People who have daily to-do lists
  • If you don’t need your schedule written down
  • you like a little colour

Features:

  • to-do lists each day
  • space for weekly top 3 priorities, notes, gratitude
  • inspirational quotes
  • goal pages at the beginning
  • comes in 2 sizes and multiple cover designs
  • monthly tabs
  • spiral bound

OrganizeIt Weekly Planner:

OrganizeItWho it’s good for:

  • Someone who doesn’t need a ton of space each day
  • Weekly notes/summary area. One reviewer explained, “at the end of each week there are both a notes page and a preview page to write down those tasks of importance for the upcoming month.”

Features:

  • softcover
  • several design options
  • black and white interior
  • cost-effective (between $10-$15)
  • inspirational quotes

Pretty Simple Planner:

letmepencilyouinWho it’s good for:

  • Someone who likes the DayDesigner but wants a slimmer/softcover version
  • Likes fairly minimalist interior

Features:

  • daily to-do lists
  • multiple cover options
  • softcover
  • minimalist interior

Nomatic Planner

nomaticweek1Who it’s good for:

  • someone who needs lots of functionality and features

Features:

  • whiteboard paper
  • 3 bookmarks
  • a pen holder elastic
  • 2 elastics to keep pages in place and book closed
  • comes in black and mint covers
  • hardcover

Blueline DoodlePlan 

doodleplanner

Who it’s good for:

  • Someone who likes colouring more than planning
  • If you don’t need much space for planning but do need somewhere to write things down

Features:

  • Spiral bound
  • Colouring pages
  • Monthly and Weekly spreads

Panda Planner Colour

Panda Planner Colour

Who it’s for:

  • Someone who likes colouring pages as well as a full action planner
  • Someone who wants space for daily schedules

Features:

  • colouring pages
  • Weekly spreads with daily columns
  • weekly tasks, priorities, daily gratitude space, daily thankful space

Minimalist (Undated) Day Planner by Action Publishing

minimalist-plannerWho it’s good for:

  • a true minimalist
  • someone who likes to colour or draw on their pages

Productivity Planners

The SELF Journal: The Day Planner, Goal Setting System, Journal for Doers

SELFplannerWho it’s good for:

  • People who like to record more than just what they’re doing in a day
  • Goal oriented people

Features:

  • smaller design
  • space for weekly priorities, space for reflection, daily goals, big-picture goals
  • a part of a productivity series that includes weekly action pads etc.
  • fairly minimalist design

High Performance Planner

High Performance PlannerWho it’s good for:

  • If you read and enjoyed High Performance Habits, this follows that system
  • Someone who needs constant prompts and guidance in reaching their goals/productivity desires

Features:

  • A LOT of prompts and guides on every page.
  • Daily, weekly, monthly reviews etc

The Clever Fox Planner

cleverfoxWho it’s good for:

  • Contains an organizer, calendar and gratitude journal to boost productivity, happiness and hit your goals in 2019
  • A bullet journaler who doesn’t have time to do daily layouts
  • Someone who likes to record daily tasks, reflections, habit trackers etc

Features:

  • black or brightly coloured covers (blue, pink, purple, rose, orange, turquoise, black)
  • stickers!
  • daily habit tracking space
  • main goals, priorities, to-do list space, daily dot grid section for jots
  • other planning pages throughout the book including mind map space

Full Focus Planner

FullFocusWho it’s good for:

  • If you love Michael Hyatt and his systems
  • Claims to help set annual goals, increase focus, eliminate overwhelm, and achieve your biggest goals on top of being an agenda organizer

Features:

  • Daily spreads include a page for tasks, lists, and trackers, and a second page for notes
  • two ribbons
  • Goal Templates – to detail the specifics of your goals and help you reach them faster.
    Ideal Week Template – to plot out what your perfect week should look like.
    Monthly Calendars – to get a glimpse of the entire year when you plan your big goals.
    Rolling Quarters – to get a closer look at your quarters when planning.
    Daily Rituals – to design routines for your mornings and evenings that make you extra productive.
    Daily Pages – to plan your days with your to-do lists and priorities separated.
    Weekly Review – to look back, correct what went wrong, and make the next week better than the last.
    Quarterly Review – to celebrate the wins of your quarter and move forward with confidence.

Productivity Planner by Intelligent Change

productivity-plannerWho it’s good for:

  • Amazon says it’s frequently purchased with the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
  • Someone who mainly wants to keep tabs on their daily movement toward goals and productivity

Features:

  • undated daily pages
  • smaller size
  • Weekly and daily planning pages + a weekly review page

Cossac Planner

CosacCleanWho it’s good for:

Features:

  • Premium quality ivory colour paper (100 GSM)
  • Simple and highly functional journal layout
  • Habit+Health tracker
  • 2 bookmarks + 2 elastic bands
  • Back and front pockets
  • Non-dated calendar
  • Eco-friendly materials

Morning Sidekick Journal

Morning JournalWho it’s good for:

  • A morning routine person who wants to track day and and goals
  • Someone who needs guidance in achieving their goals: “Our morning planner uses 3 phases to help you get the ball rolling and keep up momentum with your morning productivity, morning energy, and overall health”

Features:

  • Multi-phase planning system
  • Daily tips bite-sized, actionable piece of content that you can apply immediately to improving your mornings.

Let me know!

In the past I have tried Simplified Planner, Passion Planner, and the Action Method Book. None of them ever really “stuck” for me. Out of all of these, I think the one I’m the most interested in is the Clever Fox Planner because it has the most features like what I would write out in my bujo.

Was this helpful? Do you have other planners to add? Leave me a comment with suggestions or whether you went ahead and bought one of these (these are not affiliate links). If you want to look at them all in a smaller list, you can find them on this Amazon list I made.



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